When Makena woke up this morning, she told me about her dream. In it, she got married. I asked her who she married, and she coyly told me, "You!" Ok, cute, hope CPS isn't listening in. She then said that Ursula (for those of you without a young girl or a penchant for watching animated movies, Ursula is the baddie in The Little Mermaid...she's an octopus with a fabulous short white haired 'do and a shock of red lips...kinda female impersonator-ish) came in the window, and was sorta mean but then was nice.
I asked her if she wore a wedding dress, and she said yes...it was sparkly. It was white with pink and blue and brown and white and dark pink sparkles (sounds pretty!). I asked her what I wore (for fear it would be either a Prince Charles military uniform or a tux) and she said I wore the same dress (whew!). I asked if we had crowns (yes) and asked if we wore veils - she asked what that was ("the white fabric that's on the back of your Ariel doll"), and we did. She said she was "growed up - a mommy!" in the dream.
I asked her who was at the wedding...she said everyone. I asked who married us - she said "you did!" again, coyly. I said, no, who was the minister. She said it was a "church man".
By this time, we were on on way to school, and she was now engrossed in working on her Princess book copying words.
It's pretty sweet, really, to be the all and everything of your child. I remember when I was a kid, about 6 or 7, I told my parents I was never going to leave and get married...I was going to stay with them forever. I don't know recall if I ever said I wanted to marry them...I'm sure I probably did at some point. I didn't watch these princess movies when I was a kid, though...where the poor unknown princess needs a prince to help her and marry her and then they live happily ever after. I worry about about the indoctrination that that does to Makena. I don't want her to think that she ever needs a man to "take care of her"...because that's not how the world works...at least not anymore. Maybe in cave days up to the 50's...but with divorce taking 1/2 the marriages, she ultimately needs to be able to rely on herself, even though she'll always have me. So, in that respect, I guess getting married to me is a pretty true thing after all! :)
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Pupcakes
One of the reasons I wanted to do this is to remember all the cute things makena says and does. Sunday night we went to Papa's 70th birthday party. Grandma got a cake, plus 6 cupcakes (I guess in case there were more people than bday cake). Makena and Jay left early, before the cake was cut...and she REALLY likes birthday cake. So grandma gave her a cupcake to take with her. Except she doesn't call them cupcakes...she calls them pupcakes. I don't correct her, frankly, because I think it's cute. So I call them pupcakes, too.
Grandma gave me the rest of the pupcakes so I could take them home to mak. I actually put them in her booster seat when KaNan and I left the restaurant, and forgot to take them in with me. So, when I went to pick up mak, they were still in the car.
When I told her that Grandma sent the pupcakes with me for her, she was a happy girl! she wanted one then. Now, I know how short and tenuous life is, so I've let her have dessert before dinner before...why not? but, I told her that she needed to eat dinner first.
once she finished her pasta, she went right for the pupcakes (I actually forgot about them...but not miss mak!). she was so sweet and offered one to me. she had the pink (natch) and I had the yellow one. I let her lick the icing off mine, too, and I ate the cake. she ate the icing off mine and hers, and left her pupcake. ah, to be four again! :)
Grandma gave me the rest of the pupcakes so I could take them home to mak. I actually put them in her booster seat when KaNan and I left the restaurant, and forgot to take them in with me. So, when I went to pick up mak, they were still in the car.
When I told her that Grandma sent the pupcakes with me for her, she was a happy girl! she wanted one then. Now, I know how short and tenuous life is, so I've let her have dessert before dinner before...why not? but, I told her that she needed to eat dinner first.
once she finished her pasta, she went right for the pupcakes (I actually forgot about them...but not miss mak!). she was so sweet and offered one to me. she had the pink (natch) and I had the yellow one. I let her lick the icing off mine, too, and I ate the cake. she ate the icing off mine and hers, and left her pupcake. ah, to be four again! :)
Sleeping...or lack thereof
it's currently 4:38 am, and I'm sitting here writing this entry. not sleeping.
it seems that the older I get, the harder it is for me to get through a night without waking up and being awake for some significant time. Well, I had told someone on my trip to NYC it seems as though I haven't had a good night's sleep since I had Makena, but the problem really started before then. I used to wake up and go out to the couch and either watch tv, read, etc until I was sleepy enough to fall back asleep. pissed Jay off...he used to say that I didn't like sleeping with him. Truth was, our old bed sucked and my back would end up hurting (thank goodness for the sweet sleeper bed!), which would make me get up and relocate. I would get a better sleep on the sofa (god, I miss that sofa!).
now that jay is gone and makena is my new bunkmate (yet another blog...sleep issues are so huge with us), I end up getting up again. this time, long enough to get sleepy and go back to bed. it's usually the same deal - wake up from the sound of either Mary licking herself, judy scratching herself in the living room, makena kicking me in the back, or just plain having to pee as was today. if I don't get back to sleep immediately - if I give myself any time to just allow a thought to slip into my mind, forget about it.
so, now i'm awake. i try to watch some tv, hoping I'll get sleepy. nope, doesn't work. I get up and get a glass of ovaltine, hoping it will make me sleepy (sometimes it works, today - no). then I'll go to the computer. i try and not "do" too much...then I'll REALLY be awake, but if you're wide awake and the dishes from dinner the night before are staring at you in the face, it's hard to turn away and leave them be. After all, who else is going to clean them, right?
so, here I am...it's 5:01...two hours after I woke up. i'm now getting into that deadly territory of being afraid TO go back to sleep...for fear of how I'll feel when I wake up. And this is my life ON Lexapro (anti depressant and anti anxiety). Can you imagine how thoughts raced through my mind last year when I didn't know if I was going to have a job, what I should do about getting another one, Jay throws a veiled threat if I try and move away with makena TO get a job...it's a wonder I EVER slept.
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
but, as long as squirt sleeps well and through the night, that's the most important thing. Lately I've been thinking of my parents, wondering if they had sleepless nights like this when I was a kid...when Daddy was sick, during the 70's recession, etc...I never felt afraid for the future or like I wasn't protected (well, with the exception of when my Dad had his heart attack on the mountain)...they might have been scared and worried, but they didn't show it to me. They might have had sleepless nights, up watching TV, but I didn't know it. I hope that Makena doesn't know it, either.
it seems that the older I get, the harder it is for me to get through a night without waking up and being awake for some significant time. Well, I had told someone on my trip to NYC it seems as though I haven't had a good night's sleep since I had Makena, but the problem really started before then. I used to wake up and go out to the couch and either watch tv, read, etc until I was sleepy enough to fall back asleep. pissed Jay off...he used to say that I didn't like sleeping with him. Truth was, our old bed sucked and my back would end up hurting (thank goodness for the sweet sleeper bed!), which would make me get up and relocate. I would get a better sleep on the sofa (god, I miss that sofa!).
now that jay is gone and makena is my new bunkmate (yet another blog...sleep issues are so huge with us), I end up getting up again. this time, long enough to get sleepy and go back to bed. it's usually the same deal - wake up from the sound of either Mary licking herself, judy scratching herself in the living room, makena kicking me in the back, or just plain having to pee as was today. if I don't get back to sleep immediately - if I give myself any time to just allow a thought to slip into my mind, forget about it.
so, now i'm awake. i try to watch some tv, hoping I'll get sleepy. nope, doesn't work. I get up and get a glass of ovaltine, hoping it will make me sleepy (sometimes it works, today - no). then I'll go to the computer. i try and not "do" too much...then I'll REALLY be awake, but if you're wide awake and the dishes from dinner the night before are staring at you in the face, it's hard to turn away and leave them be. After all, who else is going to clean them, right?
so, here I am...it's 5:01...two hours after I woke up. i'm now getting into that deadly territory of being afraid TO go back to sleep...for fear of how I'll feel when I wake up. And this is my life ON Lexapro (anti depressant and anti anxiety). Can you imagine how thoughts raced through my mind last year when I didn't know if I was going to have a job, what I should do about getting another one, Jay throws a veiled threat if I try and move away with makena TO get a job...it's a wonder I EVER slept.
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
but, as long as squirt sleeps well and through the night, that's the most important thing. Lately I've been thinking of my parents, wondering if they had sleepless nights like this when I was a kid...when Daddy was sick, during the 70's recession, etc...I never felt afraid for the future or like I wasn't protected (well, with the exception of when my Dad had his heart attack on the mountain)...they might have been scared and worried, but they didn't show it to me. They might have had sleepless nights, up watching TV, but I didn't know it. I hope that Makena doesn't know it, either.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I have NO idea what I'm doing...
but that's really never stopped me before!
it's 3:10 pm and I really should be working, but...
a friend of mine (actually, it my oldest friend...not in age, but the one I still know who i've known the longest) started a blog to keep track of all the cute things her daughter does (she has a 2 year old...and she just became a grandparent! no, she doesn't live in Appalachia, either...), and suggested to me it was a good way to keep the memories. so, i've decided to do it!
who knows where this will lead...
it's 3:10 pm and I really should be working, but...
a friend of mine (actually, it my oldest friend...not in age, but the one I still know who i've known the longest) started a blog to keep track of all the cute things her daughter does (she has a 2 year old...and she just became a grandparent! no, she doesn't live in Appalachia, either...), and suggested to me it was a good way to keep the memories. so, i've decided to do it!
who knows where this will lead...
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